DRY MARTINO
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Bush on Bush

I don't know....

I mean, you certainly can't call me a liberal. That said, I have not been a huge fan of President Bush. As his days in office come to the end, I often wonder how we sees his legacy, and how he feels about the job he did running the world.

Take a peek at this story. What do you think?

I hope AP doesn't sue me....

Bush sorry economic crisis has cut jobs, 401 (k)s

By DEB RIECHMANN, Associated Press Writer Deb Riechmann, Associated Press Writer – 12/01/08

WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush expressed remorse that the global financial crisis has cost jobs and harmed retirement accounts and said he'll back more government intervention if needed to ease the recession.

"I'm sorry it's happening, of course," Bush said in a wide-ranging interview with ABC's "World News," which was airing Monday. "Obviously I don't like the idea of people losing jobs, or being worried about their 401(k)s. On the other hand, the American people got to know that we will safeguard the system. I mean, we're in. And if we need to be in more, we will."

The U.S. economy fell into a recession in December 2007, the National Bureau of Economic Research reported on Monday. Many economists believe the current downturn will last until the middle of 2009 and will be the most severe slump since the 1981-82 recession.

On the war in Iraq, Bush said the biggest regret of his presidency was the "intelligence failure" regarding the extent of the Saddam Hussein threat to the United States. With the support of Congress, Bush ordered the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in March 2003 — a decision largely justified on grounds — later proved false — that Saddam was building weapons of mass destruction.

Asked if he would have ordered the U.S.-led invasion if intelligence reports had accurately indicated that Saddam did not have the weapons, Bush replied: "You know, that's an interesting question. That is a do-over that I can't do. It's hard for me to speculate."

During a discussion about what Americans should know about what it is like to be president, Bush was asked what he was most unprepared for going into the office.

"I think I was unprepared for war," he said. "In other words, I didn't campaign and say, `Please vote for me, I'll be able to handle an attack.' In other words, I didn't anticipate war. Presidents — one of the things about the modern presidency is that the unexpected will happen."

On the presidential election, Bush called Barack Obama's victory a "repudiation of Republicans."

"I'm sure some people voted for Barack Obama because of me," said Bush, who leaves office with low approval ratings. "I think most people voted for Barack Obama because they decided they wanted him to be in their living room for the next four years explaining policy. In other words, they made a conscious choice to put him in as president."

As he leaves office, Bush said he felt responsible for the economic downturn because it's occurring on his watch, but he added: "I think when the history of this period is written, people will realize a lot of the decisions that were made on Wall Street took place over a decade or so" before he became president.

He said he would like to see "instant liquidity" in the markets given the extent of the financial rescue plan, yet he understands that fear has paralyzed the markets.

"It is hard for the average citizen to understand how frozen the system became and how over-leveraged the system became," Bush said. "And so what we're watching is the de-leveraging of our financial markets, which is obviously affecting the growth of the economy."

Last week, the Bush administration and the Federal Reserve pledged $800 billion to break through blockades on credit cards, auto loans, mortgages and other borrowing. The latest moves raised U.S. commitments to contain the financial crisis to nearly $7 trillion — though no one thinks the government will actually spend that much.

The figures include loans that are expected to be repaid, loan authorities to back mortgages, purchases of stock in banks, guarantees to support loans among banks and pledges backing other transactions.

"This economy will recover," Bush said in the interview conducted last Wednesday at the Camp David, Md., presidential retreat. "And when it recovers, many of the assets backed by the government now will be redeemed, and we will — could conceivably — make money off of some of the holdings."

Later in the interview, he said: "I can't guarantee that we'll get all our money back, but it's conceivable we could."

Poor Dave

May this serve as a cyber-apology to Dave, who is probably ready to kill me. I did not tell Dave that we had to reschedule a rehearsal, so he went to the studio and found out the hard way. Ouch.


Frankie Da Mouse Shot In Daylight Mob War



Miley and Turkey

Driving to NYC on Thanksgiving morning, I had the butterflies of a young child. I had never been to the Macy;s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and was very much looking forward to the procession that is a NYC landmark. I headed into the city with some friends who are well connected, which would allow us a good vantage point for the parade. My daughter was excited, too, especially since Miley Cyrus would be on one of the floats.

New York City really shines sometimes. Whether it be in tragedy or triumph, New Yorkers embrace life and the city opens its arms wide and invites its kids in for a hug or a holiday smile. When Santa finally showed, raising the roof as it were, the crowd roared like we were in Yankee Stadium and Jeter had crushed a line drive triple to win again.

Miley did make a showing, and I had gotten a little closer to the street just in time, with my little girl on my shoulders. She waved and screamed at Miley. Very cool.

The Big Night




The Man




As I write this, Sen. Barack Obama is resigning his position in the U.S. Senate beacuse he is the new President of the United States of America. And I would be lying if I said I am not moved by the moment. From his first line, he is celebrating America.

I took my daughter to the polls with me tonight and she pulled the lever. When I asked her who I should vote for and told her the candidate's names, she said John McCain. At home, when I told her that Obama would win, she asked me if we could say we voted for the winner. What she did not know is we did. When she pulled the lever in the booth, my vote went to a Democrat. It was not the first time in my life I went that way, but it certainly was the most significant.

It is Obama's time, plain and simple. The GOP did not make it hard on him with its track record of failure these recent years. President Bush will not be remembered fondly, and it must be a surreal evening at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

When the family said grace before dinner tonight, we did pray for the winner-whomever that would be-and asked that he would be able to lead this country with strength, dignity and real purpose. We have thousands of service people thousands of miles away who need Obama to be the man they need him to be. Millions of Americans who can't pay their bills are hoping Obama is for real, and he'll help engineer an American rebirth.

I am proud to be American tonight. I did not get swept up Obama fever, mind you. I fought hard the whole way. I resent the media shoving his name down my throat. I think this election had a lot of poision in it, but in the end the better man won the seat. Now he has to follow through.

This is history, folks. And it's good history. It's hopeful and real.

Please be safe, Mr. President-Elect. And don't let us down.

The Onion Weighs In On The Election

Welcome to Election Day 2008, folks.

Since I am out of humor at the moment, let me turn it over to my friends at The Onion:

Struggling Lower-Class Still Unsure How Best To Fuck Selves With Vote

October 30, 2008 | Issue 44•44

WASHINGTON—As election day nears, millions of the nation's poorest voters have reportedly yet to settle on the most profound and enduring way to completely fuck themselves over when they head to the polls this year.

"On the one hand, I'm pretty sure Barack Obama will undermine my best interests by maintaining the same centrist, pro-corporate policies of previous Democratic administrations," said Jim Estey, 34, a recently laid-off assembly-line worker. "Conversely, I agree with McCain and Palin on abortion, which might just balance out the fact that they'll further marginalize people like me by supporting deregulation and slashing social programs. So it's pretty much a toss-up at this point."

Though such behavior appears to directly undermine their own well-being, lower-income voters have historically supported candidates determined to screw them six ways to Sunday, including Bill Clinton, who incarcerated them in record numbers and cut the welfare benefits many depended on for day-to-day sustenance, and George W. Bush, who widened the gap between them and the rich and sent thousands of them to die in Iraq. This year's election is reportedly unique in that the nation's poor must not only weigh how deeply and painfully their chosen candidate will penetrate their rectums, but must also consider unforeseen outside circumstances—such as economic collapse and terrorism—that might allow the next president to bend them over and brutally rape them in ways they never thought possible.

The latest polls indicate that a majority of lower-class citizens might choose not to vote at all Nov. 4, preferring instead to leave the details of how they get fucked to the moneyed classes.

The Election Broken Down By The LI Press Staff

Well, it was a room full of liberals against one fading Republican when the LI Press editorial staff got together to discuss McCain/Obama 2008.

Download | Duration: 00:00:00

Part-Time Poppa

The single worst result of getting divorced is the fact my little girl is not with me seven days a week. No matter how I try to spin it, it's the greatest injustice of my life.  I did not want to be a dad so I could see my child every other week. But as everyone knows, it is an unavoidable reality of a marriage breaking up.

At her young age, she does not even remember my ex and I sharing the same bed. This is all her little mind can recall. Even in the most heated times during our separation, my ex and I spared her the prerequisite screaming drama that seems to be synonymous with a marriage falling apart. The result is both of us relishing our time with her, and her getting the best from us.

There is an element of guilt when I go about my life, too. If I am out of town on a weekend, I feel like I should be running back to her. I have found myself in NYC, for example, working with a serious buzz and suddenly feeling irresponsible and consequently a million miles away from her. A few days roll by and it becomes painful.

Worse yet, at her age she is changing every minute. So, after the usual four or five day break between visits, she seems different. It takes a little while to get acclimated, and I am sitting back and figuring out who this little girl is. In the blink of an eye it is time for her to go back to her mom. I am always morose when that time comes, too. The whole divorce seems raw and fresh when our time comes to a close. But I have to lose myself in her smile when we are together. We hug a lot. She drives me crazy, too.

I know these feelings will never leave me. I'll always feel cheated out of those days. You can't get them back. I can just love the ones I have, live my life and do my best for this little lady who deserves nothing less.

Death Tank 2000




Death Tank 

I got the call today. Another one bites the dust. I can’t believe it. This will be the sixth goldfish that croaked on me. Of course, they are my daughter’s goldfish, not mine. But I am responsible for their well being and general survival. And I am getting sick of seeing them die. The first one or two I did the old switcheroo and got another fish before she found out. It was laughable, because her first one, Kerry, was a solid goldfish. But when my girl came home and ran to see how her fish was, there was one in the tank that looked nothing like her. I told her that those kinds of fish change as they get older. She bought it.

By the time the third fish died, I figured it was time to share my anguish and indoctrinate my daughter into the realm of real-life disappointment. I put it in the freezer so she could see for herself. Later that day, I told her that her fish had died. She was in her child seat behind me. We were driving through a park, and when I told her she remained silent for a few minutes. I turned to look at her and saw tears beginning to spill from her eyes, and her bottom lip puckered out. She was truly, deeply saddened by the news. We buried the fish when we got home.
Then we got this little tiny fish and put it in with two brand-new, handsome ones. The little fish dies, and it must have been made of cyanide, because the other two fell ill fast.

“Uncle Chris,” she cried as one of the fish fought for it’s life against the suction of the filter, “I don’t think he’s going to make it.”

He didn’t. Nor did the other one. So, that is six fish—five goldfish and one catfish. Oh, and two crawdads. I cleaned the tank again and gave it another shot. This afternoon I found out that the end is near for goldfish 7. She has stopped naming them, thank goodness. At least that eliminates some of the grief. But now I have a corpse to handle when I get home, and then I have to work on a new story about where the fish went.
I think it’s time to close down this tank of doom and start fresh. No more goldfish, either. I am tired of collecting the corpses.

I feel like a coroner during the time of the plague.

 

Not Really Camping

I spent a night in Montauk this past weekend, fishing in howling Nor'east winds and camping with dudes. Before you get an image of me roughing it in a tent in said winds, know that is an inaccurate image. I splet in a kick-ass 30-foot trailer-camper, complete with a microwave. I mean, we had pizza delivered to the campsite.

That is not roughing it.